the Trouble with Hate is... Read online

  the Trouble with Hate is…

  ALSO BY ELIZABETH STEVENS

  unvamped

  Netherfield Prep

  the Trouble with Hate is…

  Accidentally Perfect

  Keeping Up Appearances

  Love, Lust & Friendship

  Valiant Valerie

  Being Not Good

  The Stand-In

  Popped

  No More Maybes Books

  No More Maybes

  Gray’s Blade

  Royal Misadventures

  Now Presenting

  Lady in Training

  Three of a Kind

  Some Proposal

  Royally Unprepared

  Royal Misadventures Omnibus

  I’m No Princess: The Collection (Parts 1-4)

  the Trouble with Hate is…

  Elizabeth Stevens

  Sleeping Dragon Books

  the Trouble with Hate is…

  by Elizabeth Stevens

  Print ISBN: 978-1925928686

  Digital ISBN: 978-0648012283

  Cover art by: Izzie Duffield

  Copyright 2017 Elizabeth Stevens

  Worldwide Electronic & Digital Rights

  Worldwide English Language Print Rights

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any form, including digital and electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the prior written consent of the Publisher, except for brief quotes for use in reviews. This book is a work of fiction. Characters, names, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  For each and every one of you;

  know you’re not alone.

  Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Epilogue

  Thanks

  My Books

  About the Author

  Chapter One

  2006 Lani

  At the age of six, life seemed good. I was the youngest, but I was well looked after – if teased a bit – and all I knew was love and contentment. The teasings of my older brothers and their friends rolled off my back because I knew they loved me really. Just like I loved them.

  “Wait for me!” I yelled, my little legs running as fast as I could to keep up.

  Casper turned around with a grin, running backwards. “Come on, Lani!”

  “I’m trying. You’re too fast!” I cried.

  He stopped while Brett and Emma kept running to Jonny, who was waiting for all of us with a big smile. I stopped beside Casper, panting heavily. He laughed.

  “You right, Angel?” he asked, using my family nickname.

  I nodded, not wanting the bigger kids to think I was too little to keep up with them. Casper, Brett and Emma weren’t that much older than me, but they were all a lot bigger. And, Jonny was older than all of us!

  “Come on, shorty!” Brett laughed as he bounced up and down next to Jonny. They were both my brothers, but I liked Jonny more than Brett most days. Jonny was thirteen, but he still hung out with us on the weekends.

  Of course, Emma hadn’t had any trouble keeping up with Brett. But, she was tall like Casper, even though they were only almost eight like Brett, on account of they were twins. And, Mum and Dad said Brett still had his growing to do. They said he should be about to shoot up, whatever that was, since Jonny had had a growth spurt at eight. But Dad’s best friend – Casper and Emma’s dad Paddy – said that there was nothing wrong with being short.

  Jonny knelt down and opened his arms for me. “Come on, Lei!” he called with his huge smile. “You can do it! Beat Cas!”

  I grinned at Jonny and Casper then took off at my fastest run, giggling.

  “Hey!” Casper cried after a moment, then started chasing after me.

  But, I got to Jonny first and tackled him to the ground. He laughed and hugged me tight.

  “I won, Jonny! I won!” I yelled, then turned to stick my tongue out at Casper, who was standing behind us looking like he’d just strolled over.

  “Be nice, Lei,” Jonny chastised. “No one likes a sore winner.”

  I looked at Casper, ready to apologise, but he shrugged. “I like you anyway.”

  I grinned at Jonny and he rolled his eyes. “Yeah, of course,” my oldest brother laughed. “The two of you are almost as inseparable as him and Brett. I don’t know why I bother.”

  “Cas, come on!” Brett whined, still bouncing on his toes.

  Casper threw me a look and turned to Brett.

  “Where are you going?” Emma asked and I stood up next to her.

  “Boy stuff. You girls can’t come,” Brett answered over his shoulder.

  I crossed my arms over my chest and Emma followed suit. “Not fair!”

  “Come on, guys. Can’t you do something the girls can join in on? We can practise your soccer skills?” Jonny said, sounding very enticing. “You’re moving up a team this year. Do you want to keep getting better?”

  Brett made a ‘humph’ noise as he frowned in a sulk. “No. Can’t you play with them?”

  Jonny gave Brett his best big brother glare and I finally saw my older brother quail in the face of my oldest brother, he who was the leader of our little band. Brett’s shoulders slumped and he nodded.

  “Fine. But I’m not setting up the nets,” he said sullenly.

  “I’ll do it!” I said, already running off to get them.

  “I’ll help,” Jonny said, and he jogged with me to the shed.

  “Jonny, why does Brett hate me?” I asked.

  “Ah, Angel. Brett doesn’t hate you. He’s just at that age where he thinks little sisters are stupid.”

  “I’m not stupid!” I said indignantly.

  Jonny ruffled my hair. “I know that. But, Brett hasn’t figured it out yet.”

  I looked at him carefully. “You don’t think I’m stupid…”

  He laughed. “No.”

  “Did you think I was stupid when you were Brett’s age?” I asked, acting like it would make sense and I’d be okay with it.

  “No. I did think Brett was stupid. But, I’ve always liked you.”

  “Why did you like me and not Brett?”

  Jonny reached up for the soccer nets. “I guess I always liked the idea of a little sister, and I didn’t want to share you with Brett. I wanted to be your favourite brother.”

  “Well, you are. Brett doesn’t let me share his ice cream,” I huffed.

  Jonny laughed. “Brett will get older and then all he’ll do is look after you. When I’m off at uni, that’s how I know you’ll be safe at school from yucky boys.”

  “What about Em?”

  “What about Em?” he asked.

  “Well, she’s a little sister too, isn’t she?”

  Jonny nodded slowly. “Yeah, but I was younger when she was born and I didn’t really appreciate her like I appreciate you…”
/>   “Huh,” I chuckled. “Guess I’m the favourite sister, then.”

  “Of course, Angel. You’re my little sister and I love you to death!” He grabbed me round the waist and hugged me tight.

  I giggled. “I love you to death!”

  “Aw, you murdering her without me?” Casper asked from the doorway and I saw him wearing a huge, teasing smile.

  “You know I’d never do that without you, Cas,” Jonny laughed, putting me down and giving him a fist bump.

  I watched my two favourite boys jostle each other like boys do and couldn’t stop myself smiling. I did love Brett, even at that age. But, Jonny wasn’t mean to me; he didn’t steal my toys or say I couldn’t play with him, he was patient and kind with me, even when I was just a stupid kid.

  And, Casper? Well, Casper Drake just got me. We got each other. He was the only other one who loved dancing as much as me, who was as excited as me about our weekly lessons. He was the only one who waited for me to catch up and went the rest of the way with me.

  Casper and Jonny were the brightest, warmest lights in my life and, with them by my side, I knew I could do anything and I’d always be safe.

  2009 Casper

  I was starting to need to justify my love of dance to the world. Not in the least with my best mate Brett, who thought the sun shone out his older brother Jonny’s arse. Which isn’t to say Jonny wasn’t great, because he was; he was sixteen, had just got his licence, and was super cool.

  But, he was also out a lot at night now and I could tell Brett missed him.

  So, there I was, dressed for dance and waiting with Emma and Lani for my Mum to pick us from school. Lani and Emma were giggling over something, but I couldn’t be bothered paying attention to them.

  Lani was enthusiastic about everything the Grangers or Drakes did and I was glad when she was there to talk girl stuff with Emma. It wasn’t like I hated my twin. But, we had nothing in common except our colouring and freakishly similar faces. We loved each other deeply, we just weren’t friends.

  “You lot off to gay club?” Brett chuckled as he walked past in his soccer shoes with Trent, Ashford and Nick – his soccer friends – who laughed with him.

  I glared at them. It was hardly gay club and I wore shorts for God’s sake! The teachers never made us wear tights or leotards if we didn’t want to. Not for just an everyday lesson, anyway.

  “Don’t be a dick, Granger. I’ve got just enough time to fight you.”

  Brett grinned. “And muss up your hair, Drake?” he teased, putting on a high voice.

  He was my best friend, but he’d overheard Jonny saying dance was for wusses two weeks before and he’d been on my case ever since. Just because he’d been bored with dance at six and decided to drop it! And, now he showed off in front of his other friends like a right prat.

  I heard a familiar laugh. “Why are you two fighting?” Jonny asked, rearranging his bag on his shoulder and looking around at all of us.

  “Brett’s being a dick. He called dance ‘gay club’.” I pointed at Brett slightly unnecessarily; Jonny knew who his little brother was.

  Jonny sighed and gave Brett and his friends serious shade. “Dude, uncool.”

  Brett’s mouth hung open. “But, you said dance was for wusses!”

  Jonny frowned like he was confused by something. “Yeah…but, I didn’t really mean it, did I? I mean, not when you’re eleven anyway!”

  “I don’t want to be a wuss,” Emma said slowly.

  Jonny sighed again. “You’re not a wuss, Em. You know, as well as anyone, that dancing takes hard work and practise. And, you two girls are the best dancers I know! I bet Brett and his buddies wouldn’t have half the strength you do.”

  “We so do!” Brett stated, frowning. “We’re stronger than those weak girls. And we’re not gay like Casper!”

  Something made me think Jonny found that comment awfully amusing. “Come on guys. Aside from the fact that there is nothing wrong with being gay, dancing doesn’t make you gay.” He looked pointedly at Brett’s friends and I was glad to have him as a big brother figure in my life; he was always looking out for all of us and he was a good mediator without ever taking sides.

  “Well, dancing sucks.” Brett crossed his arms.

  Jonny scoffed. “No, dancing is cool. It’s a hell of a lot more of a workout than soccer. At least at your ages.”

  “So…should I go back?” Brett asked.

  I noticed his jock friends were watching avidly, staring at Jonny just like Brett always did. If I was honest, I probably looked at him like that, too. But, I mean, how could you not? Jonny Granger was smart, he was popular, he knew all sorts of cool stuff, and he was super good on his skateboard.

  “No, dude, you don’t do stuff just because it’s cool. You do stuff because you enjoy it. You didn’t enjoy dance, so you stopped doing it. You do enjoy soccer, so stick with that. You guys have to do what makes you happy, not what you think will make other people happy.”

  I looked at Jonny, not remembering him ever being quite so passionate about anything.

  Looking back when I was older, I’d say he hadn’t believed a word he’d told us. And, not for lack of trying. Looking back, I’d also guess the bandage on his arm that he kept scratching at wasn’t from falling off his skateboard… But, that was slightly above my eleven-year-old brain at the time.

  Brett nodded slowly. “I guess so…”

  “So, what does make you gay?” Lani piped up.

  Jonny smiled awkwardly. “I dunno.” He shrugged. “Liking guys, I guess.”

  “Does that make me gay?” Emma asked and Jonny laughed.

  “Nah. You’d be gay if you liked girls.”

  Emma’s face scrunched up in confusion. “But, I do like girls…?”

  Jonny snorted. “How about you just wait and see? Huh? Who cares about labels, anyway? Love who you want!”

  We all thought he was the coolest when he said stuff like that. And we avidly agreed, even Brett’s stupid soccer friends. Like, screw the establishment, we don’t need labels! Not that I knew what screwing the establishment entailed at eleven. But, if it was what Jonny did, it must have been cool. Of course, my aversion to labels didn’t last. But, my love of dance did. And, Brett stopped being a dick about it, even to the point of backing me up when his jock friends teased me about it. But, that was long before they all wanted to be me.

  2011 Lani

  When Emma was thirteen, she decided she’d had enough of dance and took up netball. I was thoroughly excited, because we got to go to her netball game before my dance class. But, not if I didn’t get a wriggle on.

  Mum and Betty – Casper and Emma’s mum – were talking in hushed whispers as I bounded down the stairs. Casper was waiting at the bottom with his dance bag, frowning in their direction. Until he saw me, then he put on his happy face.

  “They’re going to put him on a stronger dose,” I heard Mum say as I got closer.

  “That’s good, isn’t it?” Betty asked.

  Mum shrugged. “I just don’t know any more. I don’t know what I can do–” She looked up and saw me, and gave me a wide smile. “You ready, sweetie? Got your shoes?”

  I nodded and held up my bag. “But, we’re going to Emma’s game first,” I reminded her.

  Betty laughed. “Don’t worry, Angel, we are.”

  “Good, because I don’t want to miss it. I have to cheer her on.”

  Mum hugged me fiercely. “We won’t, darling.”

  I wriggled out of her grasp, wondering what was up with her today. “I don’t know why Em had to drop dancing anyway. She was good at it.”

  “Her boobs are coming in and she felt weird,” Casper sniggered.

  I looked down at my chest. “Well, I’m not giving up dance just because I get boobs.” I grabbed my chest, wondering what it would be like to have boobs. I bet it was weird.

  “Who says you will?” Casper teased and I swatted him with my bag
and he chuckled.

  “Says you, mister crazy voice!”

  Casper’s laugh turned to a frown. “I’m becoming a man, Lani. I wouldn’t expect you to understand,” he said, very seriously and headed for the car.

  I looked to Mum and Betty, who were both smiling like they knew a secret.

  “Go on.” Mum kicked her head after Casper and I ran after him.

  “Cas!” I called.

  He stopped and turned around. “What?” he sighed, dramatically.

  “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to be rude…”

  He looked at me for a moment, green eyes studying me, and I panicked he wasn’t going to forgive me. Finally, he sighed and held out an arm. I ducked under it and he hugged my shoulders as he leant his cheek on my head.

  “It’s all right, Angel. I could never stay mad at you. I’m sure you’ll get boobs one day.”

  “But, what if I don’t, like you said?”

  I felt him shrug against me as we walked to the car. “Eh, I’ll still love you anyway.”

  “Hey, Cas?”

  “Yeah, Lei?”

  “We’ll be friends forever, right?”

  He gave my shoulders a squeeze. “Of course we will. We’re more than friends. We’re family. And family’s always there for each other, no matter what.”

  I warmed at his words, but something still niggled me. “But, I mean, you and Emma are family. But, you’re not friends.”

  He nodded. “Yeah, I guess. But, you and I will always be friends, Angel. Wanna know why?”

  I pulled away to look at him and nodded.

  He chuckled. “Because we chose each other, and we’ve got a bond nothing can break!”

  I smiled at the time, feeling like I had everything an eleven year old girl could want; I had two older brothers and Casper and Emma – who were like a brother and sister to me – who I’d do anything for. Not to mention our four parents, which gave us one huge extended adopted family that loved each other unconditionally. I had dance and school and my life seemed easy, I was happy and comfortable and looked forward to everything.